Sometimes, it just sucks

Have you ever had one of those days… no, wait… one of those weeks that just seems to suck? You know the kind. It’s a dog dying, crappy, gotta clean the house but don’t want to, moving into the oncoming headlights of disaster kind of day. The kind that you just should have stayed in bed to greet. Yeah, one of THOSE days. They just suck, don’t they?
Now I know why the internet was invented – to keep us bored, neurotic, pathetic people from offing themselves. It keeps us hooked up to the world of make believe, where no one really listens and everyone talks – but we all like to THINK we’re listening. Carefully. Delicately. Intimately. There are days I don’t even leave the house. I don’t know why I would. I don’t know that I could. I don’t know what I’d do when I’m out there. Driving has its own great tedium…
What is the definition of depression? Anyone? Buehler? Buehler? I think it’s when you feel like something has got to change but it never does. In fact, it just sinks lower into the pits of dark nothing. Hopelessness. Depression must be hopelessness. Or maybe that’s just a symptom.
At this point, things are moving slowly for the business, even slower for my own motivation. I have to take part time work to fill the void – not of money but of loneliness. Top it off, people are busily working hard on their own lives – nothing really for me to do. There’s only one thing that seems to keep me going. You guessed it – the need to make sure the cats have a clean cat pan. Cedar flaked and beautiful, it’s my new Zen garden. I could spend hours combing fluffy rows into the gritty, beautiful, perfumed clay.
I’m sure in the grand-scheme-of-things-in-someone’s-make-believe, my life is progressing just as it should… she says with wink and a smile. Perhaps the imaginary land will be ready before the real one. Then, at least I can spend all the dark days there, in the sun, riding the rollercoaster and laughing at the sea gulls picking apart the dead things. It’s good to be odd.

–TDD

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