When I grow up

When I grow up, I think that I will be dead. There is that child in me that never wants to grow up. It’s a steadfast emotional refusal to play along with all the big kids, with the adults. Yet, I play the game and I think I’m doing it fairly well. The thing is, I don’t feel old.

Then there’s the decision of what to do for my “real” living – you know, the one you don’t decide upon until you’re oh, 45 or so. Men in their Mustangs, Women and their careers. Yeah, that time. I think I finally have it figured out, though. Finally. I used to laugh at the people who wanted to be “buyers.” Like Clueless, I thought that being a buyer was “cute.” Too cute. Well, I know I don’t want to be a buyer but I do want to be a manager. Of what? It doesn’t matter. No, not a manager. A leader. It’s one of the things I think I do well, that I’ve worked on over the years. I’ve been in a lot of different leadership roles now and I actually have done ok, despite my first husband’s remarks. Some people are natural leaders – people have an affinity and loyalty to them. While I may not be a Leo or My Ex, I think that once people know me, they know me as loyal and true, truthful and happy, and genuinely happy to see them happy. I want everyone to succeed at what they do.

I do have Leo rising – does that count?

I love learning how to be a leader. I love learning from people and learning what makes people tick. I’ve learned, over the past 13 years how to use the forces of Leadership for good, rather than manipulation or selfish purposes. So what do I want to do? I want to lead – battles, causes, my Lodge, my business – I want to lead them all. I like solving relationship problems and the first way I do it is by solving me – by resolving me, understanding me, and then letting it all go. It’s the only way to understand someone else; you have to let all your preconceptions and ideas and (worst of all) expectations fly away.

So, when I grow up, I want to be a leader. I think I’ve got a pretty good road started there. I just need a little more asphalt and hey, some wheels. Got a Mustang for sale? 🙂


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