Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire

lies3For the most part, I have turned off the radio, the TV, the incoming news feeds, etc. With few exceptions, I am limiting the amount of crappy media that is coming into my brain. I open it up for select topics of interest, to keep a finger on the pulse of a schizophrenic U.S.A., such as the Women’s March on Washington. Such as, the amount of visible support or lack there of that this new administration is getting. Continue reading

Breath of Hecate

newman-passage-london-w1-02

1.

Sandy white sidewinders
trickle down the frosty asphalt
unconscious, unaware that they
are crushed by mounting progress and steel-belted purpose
I watch them dance giddy and free
ashamed of not knowing if
they are coming or going
not knowing if it is them
or me
wanting more

2.

Pale caramel and icy
My world has transformed itself
by my grasp, my fortitude
A dim idea of direction
shadow faith
Flashbacks, piercing the center of my body
longing for what I knew,
uncertainty and doubt
My life is speaking a different language to me
and I am straining to understand
Change, Change, the soft, icy embrace of Change
lusted for or not,
She is a lonely, somber lover

3.

I reduced control
to the barest a thin slice of skin
between all and nothing
facing myriad directions,
I built it back up in consciousness and breathed
a long and smoldering 360 degree sigh
Eyes and mind open,
a heart beating again
It’s time to build, time to make within
the sphere of my hands
and mind a new world order,
pin prick in the center of me


shipA momentary blob of poetry in an otherwise quiet and patient Sunday evening. Forgive the intrusion. I’m blobbing some of H.D. Thoreau here, too, cause I’m feeling it.

“I did not wish to take a cabin passage, but rather to go before the mast and on the deck of the world, for there I could best see the moonlight amid the mountains. I do not wish to go below now.”

If Thoreau could have said “E-Ticket Ride,” he would have.

-TDD

 

The Wider View

hopeI was reminded this morning, by one of my dearest friends, that the popular artists of the world die and the world mourns; the neglected and war-impoverished hundreds of thousands die, and the world barely sighs. If we believe the data in Wikipedia (yes, I know…), we can say that somewhere between 315,326,595 and 754,762,571 have died in ALL wars in recorded history. Syria, by contrast with 470,000, is a blip on the map. Hardly a scratch. The difference is, we see all our wars now with faces – on the TV, in the papers, in our Social Media feeds. War is not something far away. Humans may have found ways to kill lesser numbers of people, but they are still killing people regardless. Is this our nature?  Continue reading

Chapter 1: Dawn

dawnThe rusty hinge popped as she opened the Mustang’s door. She twisted sideways and struck a booted foot on the lacy, white grass. The satisfying crunch of November frost gave way beneath the well-worn sole. A gush of repressive cold surged in to follow the noise, and her breath streamed in wide, flat plumes through pursed lips. She reached up with gloved hands and pulled down her beanie and scarf, and dragged the rest of her tired body out of the old car. She clapped her hands together to remind herself to keep moving and slamming the car door, she turned back to the long path ahead. Continue reading

Used to do..

Dried_LeavesFilled with “used to do.” This seems to be the thought that is number one on the memory ticker tape – “I used to write more.”  “I used to have energy to do more.” “I used to laugh more.” In the series of questions of “what happened?” I wind my way down to the simple fact that I am just…slower. I move a little slower, I contemplate what I want to do, I analyze, maybe too much. It comes up with such a wide variety of topics, I wonder if it will ever cease? I used to do cartwheels, get by with less sleep, have more energy, write often, be excited about travel. Perhaps an over abundance of those things has caused this slowless. Perhaps it is just laziness. Perhaps it is maturity. Can I pray for more of the latter, and a little less of the lazy part?

One of the things I have not done less of is write. However, that writing has been contained to a single topic and the exploration of side subjects in that single topic. The effort break that trend is why you’ve seen more blogs here. This is my place and my soapbox. It is a place for me to play and not really care who checks in or not.

About 15 to 20 years ago, I used to write more fiction. In fact, I wrote serial stories via email. A few select friends would get serials at very random and infrequent intervals, linking together the chapters into some sort of oddly meandering story. It was a way to practice chapter writing and see if I could actually create a convergent story over time. They’ve seemed willing guinea pigs….

A friend’s recent comment about two of the characters in one of the stories made me think about that again. I decided to do something with it, and with the current state of affairs in our lives. So, Tom Narcisso, thank you for the jolt of lightning. Willis and Varna are, alas, gone. Emails vanished into the digital ether. However, I think you, and maybe a few others, will enjoy this next endeavor. Look to this space for more in the coming weeks…years. No title yet… maybe you can help? Let’s see how far we go… *Wink*

-TDD

Dear John,

Those who repeat their mistakes are doomed to perform them again and again. Those who refuse to look at history and refuse take into account economic, political, social, and scientific influences on that history are doomed to walk its narrow path again. I’ve hopefully woken up a smarter woman for having opened my eyes and seen yours.

fearI used to think you were innocuous, and needed little thought. Doesn’t “right” always win? The thing I forgot is that from every point of view, all people believe they do “good.” I gave up good and bad long ago – there is only love and hate, war and peace, poverty and fecundity, and the long variations in-between. Where we land on the continuum is up to us. You, Ignorance and Fear, are at the far ends of the spectrum.

What I cannot fathom is why you have so many friends? And why those friends continue to have influence? I think that it is because we truly live in a place where we welcome fear and ignorance; otherwise, we wouldn’t embrace them. When I finally had the courage to stand up and turn off my media feed, I became my own thinker. My mistake was forgetting that you hadn’t turned off yours. My mistake was not knowing the company you keep.

And that is the part that I have the biggest difficulty with and sadness about. It’s not about your policy of lies and deceit. Everyone lies. It’s not about your messed up policies of misdirection and obfuscation. We all do that, really… vis a vis statistics. No. It’s about the fact that you have taken in so many of the people that I know and respect. You have made them your friends. And they willingly embraced you. We all know that community is built by like-minded people. Ergo, those people who I believed were my community, my tribe, have ceased to be so. Where I thought they were open to new ideas, respectful of human life, fair to the less fortunate, and desirous of building a nation of educated, thoughtful, ignoranceand creative human beings… well, I was wrong. Because, yes, a vote for you is a vote for the antithesis of all those good works. Yes. Those who went this direction must embrace what they really are – full of hate, violence, racism, sexism, unethical behavior, illegal behavior, and true ignorance. A vote for you, Fear, is a vote to accept hatred into your heart. A vote for you, Ignorance, is a vote to accept the brutal treatment of your fellow human beings, the ridicule, and blindness to conditions, and deafness to the plight of people who truly have it worse than you. If that is what one of my tribe has accepted, then they are no tribe of mine. You cannot run away from it. I do judge you on your actions, and your actions support these concepts. Do you deny it? Yes? Then you have made my case.

As Dr. Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” I have listened, tried to understand. I have tried like a lover who is desperate for embraces in the cold, dark night. I must admit that Yoda was right – there is no try. Do, or do not. And I have to finally admit defeat. I do not completely understand. Perhaps I am too tired to understand, or maybe weak myself. I do know that I cannot be a party to the toxicity that you engender. I will continue to work toward understanding – but I cannot do it with the noise you bring to the table. I thought about a trial separation but that seems inadequate. I know that I have to break it off completely.

So, Fear and Ignorance, and your tribe, I unfriend you. I am walking away, taking my digital-ignorancebelongings with me. If I need to get a civil standby to watch over me while I take my goods away, so be it. I will protect what is still my tribe with all the tools I have available. I’m clearing the phone book of you and your ilk.  I’m going to out and party with my true tribe and make plans for my future. I will send you back all your hatred and lies in a nice box, wrapped in pretty emptiness and delivered by stoic apathy. You will not hear from me for some time.  It’s just as well. I wouldn’t know what to say to you until the plans for the future become clearer.

Eventually, you both may make it back into my life as a distant bystander. In the interspace, I will grow stronger. I choose to dust myself off and not only be deaf to your cries and woes but to actively disarm them. As a friend just said, there will be many opportunities for heroism in the next four years. I pick up that challenge and may create a few of my own. It’s time that I got off my lazy, complacent intentions and got some real work done. I’m not listening any more, I’m doing. I will more than survive you. I will take root, I will thrive, and I will work hard to not take from you but to diminish you. I want your flame to be small, cold, and wanting… wanting for air to breathe and for darkness to enfold you. The way I make you small is by making the rooms of life so bright that you disperse in the oncoming day. I will challenge every word you speak and every game you play. I will take bruises and beatings if it means keeping you at bay.

I want to live my life with a community and country of which I can be proud. That starts at home. For those of you who want grace, passion, creativity, love, hope, truth, knowledge, patience, tolerance, and true justice, I am with you. It’s time to drive our tribe forward once and for all, and let the last gasps of Fear and Ignorance be a hollow whisper in our memories. Goodbye. I will not wish you well or luck because I do not wish them for you. I only wish for you both to get exactly what you deserve.

Regards,

-TDD