It’s been a long while. It always seems like it was yesterday, but then I look at dates and see… yes, it’s been six months since I last posted. A lot has happened and a lot will happen. Yet, I am tired.
Today is Valentine’s Day. I’m listening to dark Nordic music on Spotify (For those who really want to know, it’s this: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ofqqIzLVQIFf9PQXxJpU0?si=5e3407491a6c4f58) Why? I love being at Starbucks these days and then writing with headphones on. It’s loud and busy and I like to watch the people, but I don’t like to listen to them all the time. I love being home and yet, not. Why this music today? I don’t know. It’s oddly comforting. An artistic stab at the way my mind and heart feel. Powerful, mournful, raw, coldish, and somewhat sad. I miss some people in my life. A lot. Phones and video just aren’t enough at times. Yes, I know. This is of my own making.
In January, I quit my position at Proofpoint to open my own leadership coaching business. I prepped for this. I am working on the business format. I love the work that I do, with people directly and in groups. Service… my service has been to help people be the best they can be, and sometimes we all need a little help to get there. It’s exciting and terrifying and lonely.
I think that today, that’s what grabs me. The loneliness. I know that I’m not alone – I’m clear enough on that. I am tired as I figure out this new life and way of being. Finding joy and happiness, it’s right there. I know I’m not doing something that will help me get over the hump, but I’ll be damned if I can yet see what it is. I am learning a lot about myself. What I need. What I want, What sustains me, and what drains me. All very good things to know. I am happy on this inward journey.
I think the key right in my mind is that I need help. I need a guide in a place where I haven’t had any and this time, I really want to succeed with my own business. I have had three before… and one was successfully sold in 2010. Now, I need a new one. Now I need to forge my way much more consciously than I did before. I need a coach. Irony doesn’t escape me…
But no, it’s not easy.
And yes, it’s another journey to venture with me, if you’re daring. It might be dreary and forlorn, and it might be happiness and joy. I am going to reframe my mind to do the latter, with less of the former. No journey is free from its hills and valleys. My mind needs to get reset. I’ll let you know how it all goes. Promise.